Looking for a new car

Besides looking for a house, I'm also looking for a new car. Chui Yan's been complaining about my Nissan Sunny 130Y. Okay, it's old but I do have great fun driving it, it's manual and I just love driving manual. I pour a lot of money into this old car maintaining it. Recently, while on my road trip to Ipoh, I got it up to 130 km/ph. The car was basically floating already but the pickup was pretty good. I don't know if it's just me, but I noticed people drive a lot faster in the dark on the highway (maybe because no speed traps at night?).

Anyway, while driving this old car is great fun, it's time to buy a new car. Too much money going into this one already just to keep it in tip-top condition. The current car doesn't have a great suspension system even though I change to a brand new one. Still a bumpy ride even hitting the smallest pothole or uneven patch over job on the road. I've narrowed it down to 3 cars, Inokom Getz, Proton Waja Campro, and Naza Bestari.

All 3 cars have their good and bad points. A few hours ago, the Bestari (also known as 206) was high on my list until I saw a petition complaining about how the 206 engine dies out while driving. So this car is in the bottom of my list now. I like its sporty look but the backseat's and boot is small. No mp3 CD player either. Currently, I fitted a CD player that also has a thumb drive that plays my mp3. No more having to burn mp3's, cool huh? Wish I can transplant my CD player into my new car.

Getz I like simply because of the price RM58,888 and its got lots of carrying space. The Inokom version is cheaper by 10K I think. I haven't seen it in the showroom yet, looking forward to test driving it. I wonder if it has a mp3 CD player too. Doesn't look very sporty though, more like an utility vehicle.

The next option of course and the cheaper option is the waja campro at almost RM60K. It's got a good financing package too. Some complains on forum about its design and pickup but it's got a mp3 player. Not too keen on its leather seats though, kinda hot where I park most of the time. I like the low fuel consumption.

So top of my list, would be be the waja, next is the getz and third the Bestari. Have to see what's my monthly repayment, have to factor in I'll have to get a bank loan to get a house too!

Proton Rally Game

Surf over to Paul Tan's blog and check out the video of a Proton Rally game. It's based on the Half Life 2 engine. The graphic sucks but I'll try to get it for the novelty of the game. They have most of the proton cars from Satria Neo all the way down the line to a Proton Saga! Cracked me up when I saw the Proton Saga in an off-road race in the game video.

Click here to check out the video on Paul Tan's blog.

I hate Ramadan traffic jams

I hate the inconvenience Ramadan brings. For instance, I was stuck for one and a half hour in a jam in KL on Monday. I was driving from Jalan Pasar back to PJ and we started of at 5PM and we were stuck in a massive jam just because everyone was rushing home to break fast. Damn it, good thing I don't work in KL. I don't know how much of this I can take if I had to do it everyday.

Hello

I used to think no one actually reads my rambling, since I didn't bother to tell anyone about my blog. I guess with the power of google, you can find almost anything on the internet now.

Anyway, someone read my blog and complained about my bitching haha. I found it quite amusing that anyone could make any sense of what I wrote. I've been noticing the amount of typo's I've been making, must be the result of blogging half asleep most of the time.

I think I should find a way to start making money of the small amount of traffic coming here. Maybe if I can have google pick up some of the searches and then direct them to my blog.

SEX MELAYU
SEX MELAYU
SEX MELAYU
SEX MELAYU

Now let's see if that actually works hehe.

Audition

Audition
Video sent by luxen

I was at an audition for my company recently. We took turns interviewing people and I tell you, some of those people who were short listed to come for the audition were real jokers. The first guy who turned up did stand-up comedy and impersonations. When he reached for his hat, I was cringing because I wasn't ready for a Michael Jackson impersonation. Okay, it was a smite funny because it was stupid.

I was going to leave at lunch as my shift was ending but the next girl who came for the audition wore this shirt that was one size too small for her and her buttons were going to pop out. So I decided to sit down for just a little while longer and see what she could do. I was going to ask her what's up with the shirt but I guess it wasn't my place to embarass her.

I find it dssapointing that most people didn't even do any research when they came for the auditions. They didn't even watch any TV or research the positions they wanted.

One lady said she wanted to be like Azizah Ariffin and when I asked her why, she said she liked Azizah's style on TV. I told her, that was only 5% of Azizah's job (okay, I'm going overboard here) and the rest are scripting, assignments, etc. I asked her if she liked writing and she replied no, then I asked her how she's going to write scripts and she gave me a meek answer and said she could do it. That just doesn't cut it for me. One needs passion to succeed in this job.

Personally, I'm biased. I studied broadcasting, TV Productions and Broadcast Journalism to be exact and I expect to hold everyone else who wants to join this industry to have adequate training. If you don't even have a basic mass communication degree, you're learning curve is going to be too high for you to succeed. I admit, there are those who did not come from a broadcast journalism background who are well known in the industry now but they would have been better if they had the proper training.

There are 3 reasons why people join this industry... power, money & fame. Those who do it for power want to change something, for example, those who would want to save the environment or want to stand for election one day. Those who do it for money also do it for fame most of the time. There are those who use this as a stepping stone to move on to a career in PR to build a reputation (through gaining fame).

For me, its always been for power. I always wanted to be a gatekeeper, a controller of information. I believe in living for something bigger than yourself and for me, that's helping people. I believe that through what I do at work, I get to reach out and change people's life. So far, it's never been for personal wealth, shit.. this job just isn't paying me enough. Sad to say, I have to admit I'm doing this for the challenge, not the money (sorry Dilbert!).

Anyway, during one of the breaks, Ali the cameraman told us a funny story about a host he wouldn't name. The host came late for a shoot and couldn't remember his/her line and in the end, Ali had to stick the cue card on his forehead and his chest while holding the camera.

Here's Ali telling us the story in the video.

Road Trip

I just finished my road trip with Chui Yan and her family to Genting, Ipoh and Penang Island. We drove up in 3 seperate cars. We headed up to Genting on Thursday and spend the night at Theme Park Hotel. The room was okay, but I've stayed in the Deluxe Room in First World before and it's much better. I bunked with Chui Yan's grandfather. The guy wakes up really early without and an alarm, good thing neither of us snored hehe.

We when to visit the casino and Chui Yan's father gave us some cash to play the slots. If you haven't played the digital slot machines in Genting before, here's how they work in a nutshell. In the old classic slot machine, you try to match all three tumble in a line to win, for example 3 cherries wins you the jackpot. However, the digital slot machines allows you to bet up to ten lines. The lines come in a different combination, top line, bottom line, criss-cross... you get the idea. They have 2 cent, 5 cent and 20 cent machines. So each line you bet is 1 credit.

Chui Yan and her grandfather kept betting the maximum lines, so obviously after awhile, you'll lose out. I told her to stagger her bet, to bet only 1 line out of every 10 times... that's roughly the ratio she was winning at the machine she was sitting. At first, she won about 20 ringgit, but she didn't wanted to quit and ended up losing about 40 ringgit in the end.

Anyway, the next day, we walked around a bit and ended up at the Galleria. It's basically a tribute to Lim Goh Tong and how he build Genting. He's got an amazing story to tell, everyone wants to his grandson/daughter.

He's got a huge picture of him smiling at the Galleria entrance. I think he's smiling and thinking of all the money people are giving him in the casino.

I took a picture of a model of Genting. Most of the resort you see in this picture is in Pahang, lower down the hill where Gotong Jaya is (not in picture) is in the Selangor side. Not sure of this, but this is what the Galleria guide told me.

After that, me and Chui Yan drove to Ipoh on our own instead of going in a convoy with her family. I stopped by the police station to ask for directions and the nice punjabi police officer gave very good directions. We headed to Batang Kali, then passed Kubu Bahru and then to the highway all the way to Ipoh.

Chui Yan wanted to eat Chicken Rice in town and we both didn't remember the shop we ate at once so we spend about 30 minutes driving around in circles until I called my aunt for directions. It was already 3PM by the time we reached the chicken rice shop and there wasn't much left. Anyway, after that we when to visit my grandmother and aunt.

Took a picture of my aunt and my cousin's daugther. My niece (my brother's daughter) and my cousin's kid both have the same smile. Look at their eyes.


After the short time in Ipoh, we drove straight to Penang. We used the new Jelutong Highway and I must say it was a really nice drive though I have to admit I'm not used to people driving at 80 km/ph on it. Maybe Penang people don't drive as fast as Klang valley people.

We stayed at Sunway hotel. Lots of hawker food outside. Most of the time in Penang was spend eating. We visited the Khoo Kongsi and also the Snake temple. I liked the Khoo Kongsi, took some really nice pictures with Chui Yan's camera. Will upload them soon. The Snake Temple wasn't as great as it used to be anymore. Less snakes now. I guess it's because all the land around it is industrial now, so no more snakes coming to the temple for shelter.

Man, I ate so much I put on about 5Kg's. New few days, I'm gonna eat less (I hope). On the way back from Penang, we stopped in Ipoh again and my aunt took us to buy Pomelo's in Penang. if you ever wanted to buy Pomelo's in Penang, head towards Tambun town and about 2-3 kilometers before Tambun town, you'll see this stall on your left with an old chinese man selling Pomelo's. His orchard is right next to the stall. My aunt knows him well because she always buys from him and he's pretty honest in telling you if his pomelo's are good or not.



By the time we drove back, it was getting dark and raining heavily. We were listening to the music CD's we bought in Penang. She bought Korean TV Series soundtrack compilation. I bought chinese oldies song and a Johnny Cash CD. We spend the next 2-3 hours driving back listening to her Korean CD. Didn't understand a single word (except for bits of English in the songs) they were singing. At least it helped me focus on driving.

Monster

I feel partly guilty now for helping in the Lebanon project. Those scientist who created the first nuclear bomb must have felt the same way. There are many reasons why I volunteered to help. One would be because I thought it was a project worthy of my charitable attention and time. I guest I didn't have any money to donate to those poor souls but at least I could help get the word out. Plus I also love editing.

Right after watching the second episode, I realized some idiot out there could be incited to turn himself into a suicide bomber and go of blowing up more innocent people. Damn, what kind of monster did I create this time?

Red Cardigan

I was editing the Lebanon project and Said told me he bought the Tommy Hillfinger red fleece cardigan for real cheap at FOS. So the next day, I when over to check it out. True enough, it was only RM49.90 so I bought one too. Now bought of us have the same cardigan. He was obviously not pleased I bought the same cardigan as him haha.

The funny thing is, a few days later, Said came into the editing room and told me that another guy from the entertainment department bought the same cardigan. Now there's 3 guys walking around in Sri Pentas with the same jacket. The good news is Said is leaving for UK tomorrow so now it's just me and another guy I haven't seen with the cardigan yet.

Looks like guys also the same problem that chicks have about people wearing the same clothes to work. Funny.

AVID Vs. Premiere Pro

After spending almost two weeks of non-stop editing for the Lebanon project, now I have too much time on my times with the project over. I've dropped by Low Yatt Plaza to pick up some training softwares. Found some new versions of AVID. Maybe, I'll re-install the new Media cutter at home. I'm still a fan of Premiere, but I realize that AVID does have it advantages. For a major project with multiple editors working on it, AVID is the way to go. In the office, we had 4 editors working on the first episode for the Lebanon project. It was really messy with files not being named properly but amazingly, we pulled through. Wished the titling system for AVID was much more efficient to support subtitles.

Anyway, I have to go back to Low Yatt, this is the 3rd time I have to go back to change softwares. The first time, I asked to test the DVD and the guy said his laptop wasn't working. I told him I don't want to come back because parking was a bitch. True enough, the second DVD didn't work and the next day I had to fight my way through traffic and find parking. The guy had a smirk on his face and laughed of my request to subsidize my parking ticket. I saw another DVD that I liked but decided not to buy from him since he couldn't test it.

In the end, I found another shop that had a PC to see if the DVD could be read. Should have asked the guy to open the movie file. It's actually a DVD with 4 training videos. I have 4 CD's but this versions had all of them in one DVD. 2 of my CD's wouldn't play the movie finish because they weren't burned properly. I was hoping the DVD version had an okay copy, but I guest it's just a fault of with the master copy. They actually managed to copy a bad file over to the DVD.

I've been thinking of starting an AVID user's forum for my office. There's a lot of things that I've learned by trial and error that I would like to pass on to the others. For example, the damn video cable on the mojo machine is loose and if you get pink visuals, you gotta wiggle the cable around. Maybe I'll start one in blogspot

A Life or Suffer Question

Today I was asked a life or suffer question (oh, death would have been so much less painful). It's one of those questions, a million options would run through your mind in a split second before you made up your mind on what to do or to take no action at all.

I was editing today and in came a colleague of mine who sat behind me and started complaining about our common superior. As I was busy editing and minding the editing machine, I just smiled agreeably while she called our superior unkind names. After 10-15 or so or vicious bile and venom, she looked at me from the corner of my eye and smiled and asked "Do you think I have a bad temper"?

Now here's the catch-22:
A. Tell her she's a bitch who spits venom and bile who can stand no one, even herself or;
B. Lie to her face and tell her the world is so lucky to have her.

Being the idiot I am and after racing through all the options at hand, I choose option A. She looked at me and laughed and asked if I was just saying that to pissed her of or if I meant it. I said, 'you DEFINITELY have an anger management problem!". In all the years I have known her, she certainly does have an uncontrollable rage. She's the SheHulk I tell ya.

However, to be fair, she does come useful most of the time. When people are too diplomatic at times, she can get things done fast as everyone's too afraid to piss her off. She doesn't take shit from anyone and I admire that. However, I sometimes feel that most thing can be done diplomatically.... on the other hand, as the bad guy in "Kiss Of The Dragon" said... 'The time for diplomacy is over!"

Shaba Valley

I spend the whole day today editing. Woke up late and surfed the net a little before heading to work. I tried to avoid the lunch hour traffic by driving the longer way and that was a bad decision, got stuck in traffic even longer because it was jammed everywhere!

Finally reached the office after lunch time and was there till 1:30AM. The amount of work that had to be done wasn't that much. It was all the time wasted waiting to use the editing suite. One of the AVID suites isn't working well. Not sure what they did, but the new software upgrade didn't go well with the PC. They added a new video card but it still isn't working, it lags a lot.

The other AVID suite was hogged by someone I wouldn't mention here. Let's just say not many people like how he hogs the editing suite and treats it like his own personal property. Yesterday I wanted to use it and I found the damn door locked. I when to ask for the key and the guy had the audacity to say he locked it because he wanted to use it, WTF?!!

Anyway, we were supposed to finished everything by today and rush a DVD copy to the CEO before he flies of overseas. We didn't make it in time obviously. Tomorrow we have to lay audio, VO and add the subtitles for the arab translation too. Going to be quite a lot stuff to trow in tomorrow.

Spend some time editing visuals of what the aftermath of the Israeli bombing of a town called Shaba in south eastern Lebanon. The Syrians has broadened their territory into the Lebanon territory. What ever else was on the Lebanese side was flatened by bombs. There was a potato farm and the Israeli's dropped a bomb in the middle of it, blowing up potato all over the field. It was a mix of potato and bits and pieces of steel strewned all over the field. Potato bomb salad.

The producer told me a funny story, he took home some bomb sharpenels and tried to clean it with clorox and it started foaming and that freaked him out so he trew them away. I told him maybe it was irridiated plutonium bombs and now you're going to sterile haha. He says he got some Israeli army souvenir, waiting till tomorrow to see what he has. I'm hoping for something like an Israeli army cap.

In the morning going to see an apartment with Chui Yan. I keep saying house and she keeps reminding me it's an apartment. Symantic error there. What I meant was home hehe.

Ultraman patah kaki. My nephew likes to break the limbs of his toys. Here's two ultraman that came with a pack of a few ultraman's. Even ultraman couldn't defeat my nephew. Kesian Ultraman, kena belasah kau-kau!

I've been meaning to write but I haven't had the time... really, I have. It's just that live has been really hectic. A lot of things have been going on, I sit my ass down in front of the PC everyday thinking 'okay, I should blog this, this would make a good story and something worthy of putting down in writing... but nooo... I look at my desktop and instead of clicking on internet explorer to open my blog, I click on Barbarian Invasion and spend the next 4 hours rampaging across Europe killing pixels. Damn, I think I've probably killed half a million pixelled men by now (that's not including all those dogs, horses and elephants I've killed in the game too!).



Okay, so what really has been going on since I've last blogged that's worthy of mention? Okay, I'll try to list them down:

1. When to Perkampungan Hadhari in Kota Bahru. That was something wierd. A total Islamic village and my boss suggested me, a non-Muslim go instead. So there I was, doing a women's talk show and having a women's booth in a middle of a school field. I must say the Kelantanese are really religous, come prayers time, the whole field was devoid of people. Heck, there were more staff minding the booths than visitors.









I got to see Chui Yan's grandfather too. Her aunt bought turtle egg for dinner. Looked really wierd, tasted like half-boiled egg. Her grandfather says the egg white never gets hardened no matter how long you boil it, only the egg yolk hardens. Took some pictures of Chui Yan's cousin eating it too, so I don't feel so guilty eating the egg of an almost extinct species.



I visited Wakaf Che Yeh, it's this night market that opens from 6PM-6AM. It's quite huge actually, larger than one football size. According to the taxi driver, they just moved to a new location. While walking around with two of my colleagues, Teh and Azean we spotted some of the stall owners wearing face masked. We asked them why the mask, was it because they were afraid of bird flu and they said it was because it was dusty there. Just then, a big gust of wind blew up all the dust on the ground as if to prove a point.

The highlights of the visit was me buying a VCD entitled 'Serangan Tun Dr. Mahathir kepada Pak Lah'. The guy at the stall was selling Nik Aziz's VCD's and I dropped by to have a look and lo and behold, I saw Mahathir's face sticking out among the stack of CD's. Got it for 8 bucks. Heh, cheaper then buying some porno VCD and certainly more entertaining.

Another highlight was meeting Pak Lah at the Hadhari. They asked me if I wanted to line-up to shake hands with him. They put a TV9 cap on my head and stood me next to Spongebob Square Pants and Patrick from the cartoon. Pak Lah came walking down and a I looked around and realized I was the only non-muslim standing there to greet him. I decided I shouldn't deprive Patrick the opportunity to shake the prime minister's hand too, so I tried to stick out Patrick's huge starfish hand for Pak Lah to shake but unfortunately, Pak Lah just walked by. Oh well.

2. Okie, I had to go for another karnival, this time it was Karnival Jomheboh in Bukit Jalil, this time I was lucky and I only had to go on Saturday. Thank goodness it wasn't that hot.

3. I've been shopping for a place with Chui Yan, going to look at apartments around PJ. For our price range, it's a bit challenging but so far we're still looking around. I'm personally afraid of hights. I can't look straight down from high places. It's not so scarry if I actually have a safety harness tied to me, then at least I would know it's okay. What ever apartment we get, I don't think I'll be spending a lot of time looking down the windows.

4. I've been spending a lot of money fixing up my car. It's an old Nissan Sunny. It's actually my mom's car. I'm quite attached to the car, but recently I spend close to 2 thousand just changing the suspensions, had too much rattling and a bumpy ride. Fixed the radio on my own too. Would want to get a new car but would probably put it of till I get a place to stay.

5. It's actually 2am in the morning as I'm writing this. The reason I'm up so late isn't because of Barbarian Invasion, it's actually because of Lebanon Invasion. I've been helping to edit a special project. My colleagues just came back from Lebanon and they are doing a two part series. I offered to volunteer my time to edit the visuals even though I wasn't required too. I kinda felt guilty for not giving any money to the West Asian Humanitarian Fund, so I'll just give them my time and expertize. Even as I write now, they're still editing in the office now. I hope everything goes okay for the first episode. In one part of the show, Norzie actually stumbles upon a dead kitten. It's all flattened and dried up, nothing more than a carpet of fur. I don't know why, but I thought it was really hillarious with Norzie poking it with a pebble. I know, it's really mean of me but maybe it's supposed to be symbolic of the Lebanese's people struggle.

6. Oh yeah, I when to a FHM party with Daphne and Mastura. Met a lot of sexy celebrities there. The wierd thing was, they didn't turn me on. I guess it's because I knew most of them professionally and in my mind I just turned it of. Some of the girls on the stage were cat walking in really skimpy bikinis and shaking their ass at the guys.





7. I'm at a crossroads in my career. There has been many requests from people from 'somewhere' to join them. I can't really decide. On one hand, I would really like to do something new that is English based. However, I hate the early waking hours. I'm just not a morning person and love sleeping in. I wouldn't want to give up my social live for my job, no matter how much I like what I'm doing. Now that I'm looking for a place to stay, I realize I need to get a better paying job. I used to think it wasn't about the money, but now I realize I do need the money so I can get a nice home to stay in on our own. If the other job had more money, that would be great. If it's just going to pay me the same with the twice the amount of stress, I don't think I would want to do it.

It's not that I hate what I'm doing now, I get a long just okay now. It's just that I'm getting burned out and running out of ideas to make what I'm doing now really 'oomph!'.

Anyway... it's time to hit the sack. I got to wake up early to edit again.

Israel Calling

This is scarry, but since its so far away its actually funny. I read this in The Star today.

July 22, 2006
Late night calls from Israel spook jittery Lebanese

BEIRUT (Reuters) - At first, Bushra Khayyat tried to ignore the incessant ringing of the phone at her house in Lebanon's southern port city of Sidon. It was 4 a.m., but she finally got out of bed.
"I said hello and got a recorded message from Israel," she told Reuters.
In clear Arabic, the strong voice on the phone said: "Oh Lebanese people, we tell you not to follow Hizbollah. We will continue to strike and no one will bring your prisoners back from Israel except the Lebanese government."
Other residents of the south have received similar calls.
"My grandmother got two calls at 5 and 6 in the morning saying the Israeli state would not stop the attacks and asking everyone to leave the area south of the Litani," said one woman who is stranded in Sidon. "She slammed the phone down."
Israel has dropped flyers on Lebanon during its 10-day-old conflict with Hizbollah guerrillas, warning people to stay away from the group's strongholds, warning them to evacuate their villages in the south or caricaturing the chief of Hizbollah.
But there was something eerie about the phone calls.
"It was a shock to get a call from Israel," said Khayyat, who has since fled the bombardment to Syria and then France.
"I have caller ID on my landline and when I checked it came up as 'out of area'. It's not that I was scared, I just wished I could talk back to the voice but it was a recorded message."
Khayyat got a similar call two nights later, this time answered by her maid, who, panicking when she heard a voice announce "this is Israel", immediately put down the phone.



Now that's some funny shit. Imagine if people in Johor Bahru got calls from Singapore, "This is Singapore, give us sand and air rights!". Man, that would freak everyone out. The Israeli propoganda department shouldn't have started the recorded voice with 'This is Israel". Most people would have slammed the phone down right after hearing that. They should have started with something like this, "Hi, I am Thomas the former petroleum minister of Nigeria. I need help in getting money out of my country..."

A Teluk Intan Wedding

A Teluk Intan Wedding
Video sent by luxen

Sim and See Ming's Teluk Intan wedding. A lot of chinese karaoke music as entertainment at their wedding. I am trying to upload small parts of the whole DVD onto the net. This is just a test video. Takes a long time to encode them to small windows media file. Still trying to figure out how to get the video converted to make it lighter. All the colours in the dark shadows are too dark to been seen on a computer monitor, if you watch it on a TV monitor it's okay. Not everyone has a TV hooked up to their PC like mine.

Awan Yang Terpilu

Today I was helping a colleague edit a story about convicts in prison. We used a song from a Ning Baizura video clip I haven’t seen before, Awan Terpilu. The story in the video clip was about a young malay village girl growing up wanting to be a singer against her father’s wishes. In the end, her father doesn’t come for her concert but it shows her father secretly compiling a scrap book of her daughter’s pictures from magazines. I suddenly found myself actually tearing up watching the video. Now here’s a great story about unrequited love. One of the best local music videos I’ve seen in a long time. Pretty embarrassing though, I guess I was emotionally drained and mentally tired today.

I’ve been doing a lot of thinking lately, actually its been a few months already. I’ve been thinking of a career change. Lately I find that I’ve been mentally burned out. I can’t just keep coming up with new content. I’ve been doing a lot of soul searching. One of the few thoughts that was going through my mine is “is this what I really want to do?” The answer is no. Right now, I’m creating content that isn’t for the demographic I’m in. I used to think, okay this is community service and I’m doing it for the greater good. However, I realize I can also do what I really like to do and still be of service to the community.

Another problem is the language, its just a stumbling block trying to create content in a language that I’m still not comfortable with. With the specialization each station is going into, there’s less opportunity to do what I really want to do now. Been thinking of a move, but I guess what really depresses me is that I am indebted to the company I currently work for which is strange. For the first one year I worked here, I wanted to resign everyday. I wake up in the first six months thinking, ‘okay, maybe today is the day I send in my resignation letter’. Somewhere down the line, I don’t know how but the job grew on me. I think I actually got good at it.

Its hard to want to say good bye to a company that gave you everything. Where to next? I have plans but its all in the clouds right now. One of it is to join a sister company but that depends on a lot of thing. One of it is if the management would let me make the switch. Or if they even want me in the other company.

The other recourse is of course to move out of this country. Something I have been seriously considering a long time ago just after I graduated. Its harder to do that now, now that I have more commitments here.

I haven’t told anyone, but I secretly wish I could continue studying again. It’s a bit of a far reach but I’ve always loved the student life. No money there but, I’ve always been the intellectual type. Would love to take up media studies again or study theology and philosophy.

So many things I wanted to do that didn’t happen. I wanted to shoot a documentary but that didn’t materialize. I wanted to travel but that hasn’t been happening lately too.

I’ve been listening to an audio book, ‘Men Are From Mars, Women Are From Venus’ by Dr. John Gray. One of the theories about how differently men communicate from women is that men often retreat to their ‘cave’ when troubled while women like to share their problems. Right now, I feel like withdrawing into my ‘cave’ though I find that the cave I used to withdraw too is not the same anymore. It used to be my PC with computer games. However, I actually find it hollow now. I stopped playing Total War and I haven’t even installed the new games I bought. I wonder where I can go to contemplate my future.

I’m not the type who likes to talk about what bothers me at work with others, even those close to me. I like to compartmentalize my life. Work is work, personal life is personal life. They don’t mix. The problem now is, the problems I face at work is not something I want to share with anyone at work.

Listen to slow songs don’t help either. My winamp playlists is full of slow sad songs. I’ve been listening to Norah Jones and Shelley Leong. I know, it’s depressing.

Another thing that’s been bothering me is all the new things I want to buy. For instance, I really want a new laptop badly, a Dell XPS so I can edit on the move; a new video camera, probably a Panasonic GS400; a PDA so I can surf the net on the go. Today I was surfing Dell’s website at work admiring the XPS notebook then I realized what Buddha’s teaching has been about. We suffer because we want things. It became apparent to me, I suffer because I want all these material things. A laptop, video camera, a career change. Finding happiness right now where I am is hard but standing back and looking at it, I do have happiness. I have a woman who loves me, I already have an okay camera and a still pretty kick ass PC. I just fixed my old car so its decent. I don’t have chicken pox anymore! Though, I do have the scars on my body. Have to be grateful for what I have now I guess.

Tsunami Siti Nurhaliza & Datuk K

Biasanya, saya tak suka menulis dalam Bahasa Melayu. Agaknya, sebab saya dah lupa kebanyakan ejaan dalam BM. Tapi kali ini saya cuba menulis dalam BM untuk blog ini sebab ia berkaitan dengan apa yang saya menulis.

Dua hari lepas, semasa menonton Pirates Of the Caribbeans 2: Dead Men's Chest pada 9:15PM , senior producer (SP) saya menelepon saya beberapa kali tapi malas nak jawab, sebab tengah syok tengok Johnny Depp berlakon. Tapi filem itu selepas first half dah mula dragging sikit, so I balas balik dengan SMS, kata saya tengah tengok filem. SP saya pun balas dengan SMS yang di forward kepadanya oleh someone called Datuk Khalid Jiwa dan dia ada pengumuman di The Zon On The Park, Jalan Ampang dan kita kena buat siaran langsung.
Saya pun tak terfikir siapa Datuk ini, sebab tak kenal nama kan. So, lepas tengok ending filem (stupid ending, tak sangka dia orang ada cliffhanger) I call balik my SP, itu pun dah hampir 11 malam. Dia terus terangkan, Datuk Khalid Jiwa ini adalah Datuk K yang berkaitan dengan Siti Nurhaliza.

Manager saya pun SMS I, "please see me in the morning at 7:30". Dari itu, dah tahu something big going on.
Esok, terus bangun pukul 6 pagi, sampai kerja at 7 pagi. Jumpa boss GM I, dia kata dia nak buat life cross over untuk satu jam sebab Datuk K nak buat pengumuman pada pukul 12 petang... tepat-tepat pada mula siaran WHI. Tapi, saya pun dah agak mesti tak start on time. Tahu lah, 'Malaysian Time'.
As expected, kita kena drag sampai 12:40, baru press conference start. Agaknya, event ini mesti bersejarah sebab semua orang duduk dalam bilik control panel... sampai CEO, GM pun turun. CEO I pun dah frust sebab tak start on time... show kita pun sepatutnya habis siaran 12:57 so CEO terus call orang-orang Datuk K, belasah dia orang sebab start lambat dan minta dia orang start sekarang jugak!

Finally, kita start the press conference dan nasib baik CEO kita ada buat keputusan untuk extend masa siaran sampai 1:30PM. Sponsor yang datang untuk sponsored segment pun tak sempat masuk. Kesian juga dia orang, datang dari Seremban dan duduk di luar tapi tak boleh masuk. I pun tak tahu macam mana nak cakap dengan dia orang tak boleh on air. Seminit I duduk di luar pintu terfikir nak buat macam mana.

Nasib baik CEO I ada, untuk terang dengan agency dia orang. Mula-mula CEO janji bagi 5 minit time extra untuk ganti lain kali tapi agency itu terus complain tak habis-habis. In the end, CEO saya bagi dia orang 10 minit free. Apa nak buat, CEO yang bagi. Dia orang terus diam... tu lah, dapat free tak payah bayar.

Press Coference (PC) Datuk K dengan Siti pun penuh kecoh. Begitu banyak orang dalam bilik kecil. Sampai kabel camera kita semua pun pecah kena pijak wartawan. Nak tarik kabel baru pun kena marah orang. Gila betul dia orang ini.

Bukan setiap hari boleh mengambil bahagian dalam sejarah, tapi dalam bidang kerja ini, sekali sekala bolehlah kita tengok benda-benda macam ini. Agaknya, banyak orang yang tak puas hati Siti nak kahwin dengan Datuk K. Mesti semua orang terfikir Siti one of the most successful Malaysian woman dan dia boleh pilih mana-mana lelaki tapi agaknya, kenapa dia pilih this guy?Datuk K pun 20 tahun lagi tua dan dia Duda dengan 3 anak. In my opinion, sesiapa Siti Kahwin pun orang tak akan gembira. Mana boleh bidari kahwin kan? Kesian Siti.

Ratings pun agaknya tinggi. Hampir 8 juta manusia tengok siaran ini. This one is the highest ratings untuk program I pernah terbit. So boleh kata, sejarah untuk saya juga lah.

My mother's birthday

My mother's birthday
Video sent by luxen

My nephew and nieces singing along with my mother for her birthday. The kids treat it more like its their birthday instead. I don't know why, but kids love birthday, cakes and singing 'Happy Birthday'.

PC problems again

This sucks, my PC has problems again. Something wrong with the audio codecs, it's missing the mp3 codecs. I think it's got to do with the damn DVR Card I installed. Its always been sitting in my PC but I reinstalled the software and the drivers to try out the surveillance camera I bought a long time ago. Had problems using it so I uninstalled it. Turns out, it might have knocked out my other drivers. I hope its just a software problem.

I got really pissed, I had to rip the damn DVR card out with a plier. It was really stuck in the ISA slot. Don't really care if the card's damaged now or not anymore.

I'm blogging now while waiting for my files to copy over to my backup drive. I'm backing up everything, just in case I have to re-format. The only problem with reformating is that I can't update this Windows XP anymore. I just might have to go legit and put real money down for the real thing.

I'm gonna try reinstalling some of the adobe softwares first and see what happens.

If that doesn't work, well... it's time to burn everything down and start over again anyway.

I had tea with some of my colleagues, it was someone's birthday. We when to a Ms Read in One Utama's new Wing. They have really good chocolate cake. They top it of with vanilla ice cream and with hot melted chocolate. Sounds gross but man, it taste really good.

Was talking to one of my colleague and I realized that I haven't been talking much since I started work again. Just didn't feel like talking to anyone since I got back because I was so used to not actually have to physically talk to anymore for two weeks since I quarantined myself in my room. Its like physical rehabilitation, having to learn the social skills bit all over again.

Personally, I enjoy not having to talk to people but I can't do that at work because everyone would just think I'm wierd or hard to work with. Being an introvert that I am, I rather keep to myself. Evidence of this is blogging of course, who the hell talks to themselves through a blog that no one reads anyway?

Its all therapy I tell ya.

Superman Returns

Just watched Superman Returns. Loved it. I love how they had a lot of elements from the original Superman I & II. Right from the start, they had Marlon Brando's old lines. I love the fact that they had the old montage titles. Kinda tacky now, because it's just flying blue fonts but for Superman Returns, it works. However, when you hear John William's Superman score with the flying blue fonts with the new outer space voyage montage, was really cool.

I think the only difference is Superman's suite. The guy's got new boots! Looks kinda rugged though, the original Christopher Reeves booths looked more like the comic book boots. Anyway, the best was the new Lex Luthor played by Kevin Spacey. Two of the original cast of Superman I & II aren't around anymore (Christopher Reeves and Marlon Brando) but Gene Hackman who played Lex Luthor in the orignal movie is still around. However, I'm glad they got Kevin Spacey to play Lex.

In some ways, I've always admired Lex Luthor for his tenacity. Here's an average human being, except for his intellect and he gets to beat the shit out of Superman, with super strength. Okay, so Lex loses all the time but he always gets up to kick the shit out of Superman again. No question about Superman surviving getting the shit kicked out of him all the time, hey... he's a superhuman alien after right? But Lex Luthor going up against someone with superpowers... now that's pretty cool (okay, so he's totally evil but I still admire his grit).

I like the 'super heroes' that don't actually have any superpowers. My favourite is the Punisher. In the comic world, he's just a guy with special training who can kick the shit out some of the super heroes with special powers. Although Batman doesn't have any special powers, his technology and unlimited financial strength doesn't quite makes sense.

In Superman Returns, there is a slight mention of Gotham in a news report. So I guess in Superman's world, Batman does exist. So maybe there would be a Justice League movie after all!

Well, I won't spoil the rest of the movie if you haven't watched Superman Returns. If you haven't watched it yet, you should watch Superman I & II first because it takes of 5 years after the two movies.

Superman

I've been watching the old Superman movies with Christopher Reeves. I hardly remember them now and I heard that the new Superman Returns is based on Superman I & II. My brother got Superman I and after watching it, I learned that they shot I & II in a stretch so it’s actually one whole story broken into two movies. So I when out to buy Superman II today.

Although my Medical Leave is up to Friday, I’ve been going to work since yesterday. I never thought I’ll say this, but I had enough of sitting at home. Looks like there was a lot of things to do at work after all. One thing I’ve learned from this experience is learning to let go and let others take over.

Left work early and came back to watch Superman II, felt asleep half way and woke up again in the middle of the night to continue the rest of the movie. I guess the part I enjoy the most about the Superman movies is the John Williams soundtrack. Its so synonymous with Superman. Still, my favourite image of Superman is the old cartoons with the film noire effects. I remember how they had really good art in it. There’s one scene I remember where huge flying robots came to attack Metropolis and they had really nice animation (all hand drawn back then!) flying over Metropolis with the frightened citizens looking up at it.

I’ve realized that I’ve been eating Maggi Mee for two nights as supper. There’s something about that salty MSG taste at night… mmm. Had to put a stop to that, not healthy. Tonight I had instant quaker oats instead with honey. Looks gross but its filling and supposedly healthy.

This weekend’s going to be a movie marathon. I lined up at GSC in One Utama to get tickets for Pirates of the Caribbean 2. After 20 minutes in line, they told me they only had 4th row from the screen so I got tickets for Superman Returns on Friday night instead. I walked over to Jusco and passed TGV and there was no queue at all, so I asked if they had tickets for Pirates of the Caribbean on Sunday night and they had good seats too! Looks like TGV isn’t that popular now.

Speaking of work, man there’s quite a backlog of stuff to do. I have to shoot a pilot for a new show. Its interesting how the company always likes the half baked idea I come up at the spur of the movement and never liked the long carefully planned ideas I have. Anyway, rushing to put things together. Hope it doesn’t turn into a shoddy piece of shit (damn, maybe they’ll like that too).

New photos
Well, besides racing down the streets of Monte Carlo in my Porsche 911 Turbo (okay, its just a game) and downloading stuff, I haven't had much to do since I had this Chicken Pox. Decided to upload some photos instead. Click the bar above to see them.

Oh yeah, I've been playing The Need For Speed 5. It's an old game, year 2000 I think. I was downloading stuff on the net and saw it on someone's server and downloaded it. Normally, I don't like racing games but this one is really fun. They've only got Porsches but my time's getting better and better. Trying to beat the top time on the record now for a lap in Monte Carlo at 1:31. The fastest I got was 1:39. I feel like that dude in the movie Too Fast, Too Furious - Tokyo Drift. Banging up the car while learning how to drift.

Chicken Pox
It’s been a few days now. I have chicken pox. I got it from my father’s shingles. I was in Perlis for the carnival when I started breaking out in spots on Saturday. By Monday it started getting really bad and I had to fly home.

I saw the doctor when I got home, didn’t know I had a fever until the doctor told me. I’m not used to being sick so when I do get sick, its just something weird and odd I hardly experience.

Now I’m totally covered in all this red boils all over me, and I mean every part of me. I sleep most of the time, mostly because of the fever and because I’ve quarantined myself in my room away from my nephew and nieces.

I’ve read that an oatmeal bath helps with the itching, doesn’t itch as much as the first 3 days anymore. I have tried taking cold showers, that helps stops the itching too. Starts to itch a little right after taking a shower when my skin starts to dry. Try to keep my mind of the itching by playing computer games.

Nirvana & the Big Bang
Hey there. Right, I decided “Hola” was kind of a cheesy way to start a blog entry. I was gonna with “What’s up?” but then nobody reads this blog so I don’t think I’ll get a respond… not even an echo me thinks.

I watched Walk The Line over the week. It’s a movie about Johnny Cash and June Carter. Since I’ve been listening to the guy quite often, I thought I’ll see what the hype was all about in the movie. Turns out to be a pretty damn movie I might say, but what can I say, I’m a little bit country (I’m a little bit rock & roll too!). Mr. Cash had quite an interesting life, the ending of the movie ended with him proposing to June Carter. Now that I think about it, there wasn’t much of a plot development, but what made the movie really good was the actor Joaquin Phoenix and Reese Witherspoon singing their own songs and man, they sound exactly like Johnny Cash and June Carter.

I’ve been contemplating a lot of things over the weekend too. One thing just leads to another. I’m currently preparing to go to the Jomheboh Karnival in Perlis over the weekend. I have to take the bus and they say it’s going to take 8 hours! So I’ve been thinking of things to do in that 8 hours. One of things I’ve been doing is downloading audio books. One of the books I’ve been downloading, “A Short History Of Nearly Everything” (by Bill Bryson) starts of with the history of the cosmos and the Big Bang Theory. I’ve also been downloading lectures of Buddhism, though I don’t have the whole lecture series it does get me contemplating about Nirvana again.

I have this weird theory about Nirvana. The whole objective of being a Buddhist is to escape this rebirth cycle and reach Nirvana, and I tell ya… I don’t think there are many who’ve made it. However, the Buddha says there is a place where there is no birth, re-birth and death. Now cross referencing with what I’ve read about the Big Bang, the universe started out as the Singularity, where there was just 1, everything was just one ‘thing’. It just expanded into this universe and some say it’s slowly collapsing into a singularity again. Now, isn’t that Nirvana? Come from nothing, go back to nothing?

I’ve flipped through the Philosophy for Dummies book in Kinokuniya and read a little about what the Atheist thing about death. Why do we fear death if we came from nothing and there was nothing before us, why fear going back to nothing? It was not painful or sad when we were nothing, we didn’t feel anything at all.

I think it only when we’re alive right now that we fear losing what we have now but in death when we cease to exist (barring the fact of re-birth), we become nothing again. Some theories about the Big Bang also suggest that the singularity expanding into a universe and squeezing back into a singularity again is an endless cycle, and get this… there may be other singularities out there in different dimensions! In Buddhist literature, they explain that there are other different realms where we can reincarnate into too. We do not just exist in this plane of reality that we know… but I hope there’s only one singularity… otherwise, if this Big Bang theory works out and we implode into the singularity again, we would all have finally achieved Nirvana.

Is this too heavy a material for you to read?

Why I like my job
Just a thought, I've been listening to that Anthony Robbins in my car. The guy said I should think positive thoughts. Alright, I thought I'll just list down the first ten thing that comes to my mind why I like job. Here goes...

1. I get to tell 2 chicks to dive with sharks on my command. Now that cracks me up.

2. Inserting easter egg's in the show that only I get. My own personal joke to see if anyone notices it. Sort of like how we scan the radio airwaves in space hoping to find alien lifeform.

3. Attending lingerie shows (okay, it was only once but that was fun).

4. Woman co-workers talk you casually about sex, hey... part of the job. Not that it turns me on but I appreciate them sharing their views normally reserved only for their gender or OBGYN. I'm such a dirty voyuer.

5. Waking up late for work. I admit it, not a morning person.

6. The power to change people's perception of their world... one lie at a time.

7. Meeting famous people... okay, it wears out after awhile. I'm jaded.

8. Occasionally, I get to make the viewers cry or laugh. Controlling someone's emotion... I'm power crazy.

9. Big corporations buy me free meals... yeah!

10. Oh yeah, almost forgot... still doing what I always wanted to do since uni, producing my own show. Feels like being the captain of the Enterprise.

Whatever!
I like the low numbers that visit my blog, seriously, I do. I appreciate the fact that I don't have an audience to write for but myself. I have enough pressure as it is, creating content for viewers at work. Here, it's just for me and who ever happens to stumble across this blog.

I've been downloading and listening to a lot of Country music in my car and at home. Namely, I've been listening to Johnny Cash, Willie Nelson and the rest of the guys from that era. Kinda puts me in the nostalgic mood. I used to think I hated country music. My room mate in uni used to listen to it and I thought it was icky. I think it had to do with that song Achky Breaky Heart.

It's embarassing but now I find myself singing along to A Named Sue; Ring Of Fire; and The General Lee. Damnit, I'm turning into a freaking redneck. Like I was saying, all this country's putting me in a nostalgic mood. Was surfing through friendster and saw some pictures of long lost friends and people I used to know. I tell ya, I could feel a tear almost beading in the corner of the eye.

It's a good thing I'm listening to all these country music. My company made me sign some statement saying I'll be a good employee. Other things added was that I would not sue the company without consulting them first. I think they left out the clause that I shouldn't be a card carrying communist and a homosexual also. Dumbass.

Hola Again
Hola!... okay, I thought a nice hello in a language besides English would be a nice introduction after a long hiatus of not writing. I used to read articles by this guy in the Onion who started his articles like that. Anyway, the guy was a total pot head.

So what's my excuse for not writing? Well, like the pot head (not that I'm one!), there was a lot things going on life. First of all, after I got sick, I had a ton of things going on at work and I've started a new campaign in Total War: Barbarian Invasion.

I admit it, I'm addicted to Barbarian Invasion. There's just something about being the overlord of a huge empire killing little pixels. Right now I rule a huge Sassanid Empire (Pre-middle age empire, started the religion Zoroatism). There's just something about having a column of war elephants with a line of heavy armoured calvary marching into battle for you. Like Conan used to say, the meaning of life is to see your enemy crushed!

So there I am spending hours on end killing pixel, living the unexamined life as Socrates say, totally oblivous to the outside world. I stopped playing for a few days now as I now control almost 95% of the known world in the game. Looking back, what did all that acomplishment amount too? Not much in the real world, except that I now wish there was a quick reload button in real life. I do think however, I think of multiple strategies in real life like how I do in the game... only the strategies involve what would happen if I had an army of elephants with me at work instead.

Speaking of work, man, have I been bogged down with work with the recent changes made. There's just so much to do. Not that I don't enjoy the job but spending more than half the day in the office is mentally tiring. I used to think I wasn't doing it for the money, I was doing it as a my responsibility to society. Now my priorities have changed. I want to get married, get a house, a car... I need time and money and a better quality of life. Makes me think back to the Buddhist teaching, life is suffering, we want so we suffer.

I've been downloading audio books from the internet to listen in the car recently. I've been listening to a lot of Philosophy and self-help books. The philosophy because I've always been interested, the self-help because I need information for work. My favourite have been a series of lectures on Greek Philosophies and Mythology. Just imagine, more than 2000 years ago a few guys with no running toilet came up with philosophical ideas that we still refer too today. Makes you wonder, what would we do today that will echo in eternity?

Our actions and in-actions rippples out from us into our surrounding. Some ripples reach out further than others. That's one of the thing I like about my job, the ability to reach out and make a change for the good. In philosophy, there are many definitions of what is good (different societies have different versions of values). My previous experiences define my defintion of what is good, and I used to aim to change the world to my perspective. Now, I think to myself... screw it, can't change the whole world. Maybe I'll just settle for gentle ripples eminating from me you know?

It's football season (World Cup 2006) right now and I tell you, I ain't no soccer fan though I do stay up late, not to watch the game but just because I like it at night when it's peaceful and I listen to oldies. Right now, it's Marty Robbins singing about the town of El Paso. While the whole world is cheering on men chasing a ball in a field, here I am listening to cowboy tunes and blogging... okay, I know, get a life.

How about I get some sleep now instead? See ya later alligator.

FEVER
also called pyrexia abnormally high bodily temperature or a disease of which an abnormally high temperature is characteristic. Although most often associated with infection, fever is also observed in other pathologic states, such as cancer, coronary artery occlusion, and disorders of the blood. It also may result from such physiological stresses as strenuous exercise or ovulation.
Under normal conditions the temperature of deeper portions of the head and trunk does not vary by more than 1°–2° F in a day, and it does not exceed 99° F (37.22° C) in the mouth or 99.6° F (37.55° C) in the rectum. Fever can be defined as any elevation of body temperature above the normal level. Persons with fever may experience daily fluctuations of 5°–9° F above normal; peak levels tend to occur in the late afternoon. Mild or moderate states of fever (up to 105° F [40.55° C]) cause weakness or exhaustion but are not in themselves a serious threat to health. More serious fevers, in which body temperatures rise to 108° F (42.22° C) or more, can result in convulsions and death.
During fever the blood and urine volumes become reduced as a result of loss of water through increased perspiration. Body protein is rapidly broken down, leading to increased excretion of nitrogenous products in the urine. When the body temperature is rising rapidly the affected person may feel chilly, or even have a shaking chill; conversely, when the temperature is declining rapidly the person may feel warm and have a flushed moist skin.
In treating fever, it is important to determine the underlying cause of the condition. Mild and moderate fevers are best treated by aspirin or other antipyretic drugs, which exert their effect on the temperature-regulating areas of the brain.
The mechanism of fever appears to be a defensive reaction by the body against infectious disease. When bacteria or viruses invade the body and cause tissue injury, one of the immune system's responses is to produce pyrogens. These chemicals are carried by the blood to the brain, where they disturb the functioning of the hypothalamus, the part of the brain that regulates body temperature. The pyrogens inhibit heat-sensing neurons and excite cold-sensing ones, and the altering of these temperature sensors deceives the hypothalamus into thinking the body is cooler than it actually is. In response the hypothalamus raises the body's temperature above the normal range, thereby causing a fever. The above-normal temperatures are thought to help defend against microbial invasion because they stimulate the motion, activity, and multiplication of white blood cells and increase the production of antibodies. At the same time, elevated heat levels may directly kill or inhibit the growth of bacteria and viruses that can tolerate only a narrow temperature range.


From the Britannica. So what's with the Fever thing? Well, I'm having a fever. Just thought I read about it. My body things it's cold but I'm burning up! I think sometimes I come up with the wierdest thoughts when my brain's being fried by my body.

An Idea
Ideas don't die, they fade away. I watched a movie tonight that brought back memories of an old idea. It also brought back memories of a poem I once wrote and it when like this:


I know not what I seek but I know I haven't found it yet.
I know not whether it be spiritual relevation, true love, bonding friendship, pleasure or world peace.
However I do know I am the seeker.

I am not lost, but I have yet to find.
I know I must find answers but I know not the questions to ask.
I wonder the land in search for the right questions to ask.
One day the right one will come to me then I would be able to find the answer.

I know I am not alone, for others to seek the questions and answers I seek.
They too are out there seeking.
Many perils await us, for many offer a universe of questions and answers but most likely, they are but just distractions. Many seekers fall prey to the distractions, our journeys are full of victims, lost in their cause.

Tired but still wondering silently, trapped by commitments in their life, bound by life itself from seeking life. I journey on. I know not what awaits me, but I know I cannot turn back.



I wrote the poem for a special reason. It was a coded message that I put on a personal website a long time ago. It was designed to speak to only certain people. As people interpreted art differently, I was looking for certain people that interpreted the poem in a certain way. The poem was my filtering system, a coded message to look for only certain people on a personal website. The movie I watched tonight reminded me of the person I was looking for in that message. That person was me.

So why would I look for myself in a personal website? Once, a long time ago as the poem when I did not know what I was looking for. The closest soul I could identify with was but myself. The reasoning was, if I did not know what I wanted, I might be comfortable with the only one I knew... myself.

The movie I watched tonight was "V For Vendetta". It was a movie about ideas, dangerous ideas of revolution and change. Siting there in the cinema in the dark, I realized something... I used to idolize the image of the hero V in the movie played by Hugo Weaving. I idealized and imagined I was to be someone like him... someone who had an edge of civility in him but a loner. A loner with a mission to make the world a better place.

But as all ideas, life takes it course and things change. I too was sidetracked and life found me. I found love, friends and a job. Looking back, I realized I am not that same person in the poem anymore... not totally different, but evolved. I still find myself trying to make the world a better place through my job. I sometimes wonder why I do it, is it by nature, something in my very being or was it past experiences that has molded my actions to do things that I now do? What makes me want to help people and help make things better for them? Watching the movie made understand now, the understand lays in my need to justify my existence.

Once I was lonely and lived within myself. I needed a noble cause to justify my existence and indirectly, I choose to help people. Now this believe that it is my duty to help people is deeply entwined in my believe system, I query whether it is in conflict with the things I do daily... am I who I started out to be or have I evolved into someone else?

I still address people as Mr or Miss at work. To think of it now, I wonder why I do that... maybe to add a touch of civility back into society? Or just to irritate people... to remind them how the casual lives we apply at work is missing something... a touch of civility maybe?

The out come is the same, it adds civility to the work place but the intentions are different now. "V For Vendetta" has reminded me to stay fast to my idea... that the world could be a better place if we took the time to make it so. It is up to us, and I must not loose sight of it. I still have the tools and the opportunities to do it daily at work. All I need now is the perseverance again. It is harder now, I still have a life to live, but now I remember I still have a mission... a mission to make the world a better place.

Ideas don't die, they fade away... but ideas can also fade back to life.

video-0012

video-0012
Video sent by luxen

I attended a friend's wedding in Kota Bahru over the weekend. More like me learning about Chinese weddings before my own one. This here is a good example of what could go wrong at the wedding... someone singing 'Siew Bah Chang'.

Heboh Siul!

Okay, I survived. Made it through the company's carnival in-the-middle-of-no-where Nilai 3 in Seremban. I managed to skip the first one in Kedah but I decided I should go to the Nilai one even though I still have a bad cough.

I decided to drive to the Carnival on Friday afternoon, gave my host a ride there. Didn't feel like taking the company's bus as I was coughing really badly. A lot of people might have been infected too (then again, I didn't think about it when I gave my host a ride).

My host was staying at Allson Klana in Nilai while I was staying in The Empress in Sepang. Took us an hour to drive there, would have been faster if we didn't get lost and took ALL the wrong turns. At least we got to see the surrounding areas of Nilai quite a fair bit, though we didn't actually drove into Nilai town. Was quite surprised the infrastructure was pretty good. Wide open four lane highways with little traffic. I was quite amused to see 4 massage/reflexology shops right opposite the Allson Klana. Must be a lot of stressed out customers there. Finally drove of heading towards The Empress from Allson Klana in the dark. I had a rough idea and I map I printed from the internet. Took 2 wrong turns but I made it to The Empress eventually.

Upon nearing the hotel, I saw the only tall building in a small commercial area in the Sepang suburbs. I then remembered I have visited this hotel before for a press conference. Some guy tried to press a few hundred ringgit into my hand while shaking my hand a few years back. Anyway, I parked the car in the basement near where the guard sits hoping he'll keep any eye on it. When I wanted to check in I was surprised I didn't have to share a room with anyone. One of the benefits of working with an almost all women's team, woohoo! All my colleagues don't like sleeping alone for fear of things that go bump in the night. I'm scarred too but I rather sleep alone than with an office colleague where the only thing in common we have is sharing the same office furniture. A little personal for me to be waking up next to some stranger even if its not the same bed.

I personally don't like sharing a room with any of my male colleagues. Most of them smoke and I was already coughing badly, even if they didn't smoke in the room, the smoke in the breath they exhaled would have made it worst. Was impressed the room was quite good. Simple but looks like nothing was broken and no peeling wallpaper. Sheet covers had a slight cigarette smell but was okay after I fluffed it a bit. I took a cocktail of medication and when straight to bed early.

Didn't sleep much, I think the medication and sleeping in a new bed gave me hallucinations, kept waking up in the middle of the night. Eventually decided to give up sleeping at 4am. Walked down to the lobby and they don't serve breakfast till 5:30AM. Great, so I walked out of the hotel to have a look. There was a row of shop across and there was a small sundry shop that was open. I walked over and bought an almost expired loaf of bread and cup of kaya.

Ate a few pieces of bread and read my book, Angels & Demon. Finally when back to bed at 5AM and woke up again at 6:30AM to get ready for the Carnival.

Walked down to the lobby at 7Am and found quite a lot of the carnival staff already digging into the breakfast buffet. Found out from one of my colleagues one of our staff got robbed of her handphone near the Allson Klana. She was talking on the handphone outside a restaurant and some guy slapped her and ran of with her phone. Crazy.

One thing I kept forgetting to bring to the carnival is sun block and this one of those carnival that I need it (I keep wanting to spell carnival as karnival, that's how the company spells it). After a 20 mins ride in the bus, we reached Nilai 3. I was right, it was in the middle of nowhere... at least there were signboards though Following the signboards to Nilai would have lead you away from Nilai 3, weird. The grounds were quite wide and it was hard packed soil and a long straight tarred road, so I knew it was going to be hot with not much cloud cover.

When to check out the women's booth. New lay out looked better, more open and bigger. Had a peek at the toilet, as usual it was one of those portable toilet. Never those portable ones, was disgusting. When to see if the nearby shops had better flushing ones and thankfully they had clean ones.

I don't know whether it was the medication or whether I didn't sleep much the whole night or the extreme heat but the whole day I was nodding of and sleeping in the back . Even my boss saw me sleeping and woke me up. Wasn't too good but was funny.

Rained later in the afternoon so quite a lot of people got stuck in our booth while waiting the rain out. Didn't each much at the cafeteria, the caterer's Malay food was spicy as usual. Only had veggie and rice. Lately, I've been going vegan because the dishes in the office cafeteria is always spicy.

Finally made it back to the hotel at 9PM. Took a long hot shower and when to bed. Woke up early the next day 6am and finally finished reading Angels & Demon. Had a wierd ending, just when you thought it'll end on a happy note, the author had to trow in a psychopath ending. The hero jumped out of a helicopter without a chute and survived. How's that for an action movie ending?

Anyway, hitched a ride in another colleague's car to the carnival instead of taking the company's bus. As usual, we took ALL the wrong turnings again and got there almost the same time as the damn bus instead. At least I know what Nilai Spring looks like and where Inti College in Nilai is.

Was hot as usual, had time to chat with the other people in the other booths. Was chatting with one of the ladiess at the booth and she asked me if she knew a friend of mine and turns out she was dating the guy. What a small world.

I realized that my way of thinking has changed after doing this women's program. For one, I start thinking in Malay now. Don't think I dream in Malay yet, but I actually find myself more comfortable speaking in Malay to people who don't speak Malay very well. When I catch myself doing it, it's really funny. I was talking to one of the personalities at the booth and she doesn't speak Malay very well but I tried talking to her in Malay and after awhile I realized what I was doing and walked away laughing. I've been poisoned! Now I listen to Misha Omar and Ning Baizura in my car. Crap... at least I haven't reached the Mawi stage yet, though it's pretty close. Mawi gave me an autographed CD which I chucked somewhere under my PC.

Anyway, the second day at the carnival I wasn't that sleepy anymore so I had more time to help with the events. When it rained again, I took the opportunity to feed some stuff into the minds of the masses trapped at our booth. We talked about Muslim women and poligamy. There was a lot of seething anger in the crowd, I could sense that a lot of the women who were with their husbands wanted to say things that weren't meant for their husband's ear. The husbands too were quite vocal about what their rights under Islam to be poligamous. I for one don't agree with poligamy. One of the host asked me during the discussion that man have nafsu (lust) and that was why Islam allowed men to marry 4 wifes. I told her than animals too have basic instincts such as lust like men, but men are not animals and we have brains and self control. Its the distinction between learning to say no to what our genes are programmed to do that makes us humans.

Anyway, the rain stopped and I we finally packed up the booth at 8PM. They announced that they were finally changing the name of the carnival to Jom Heboh. I personally perferred "Heboh Siul!" or "Alamak, Heboh gila!"All that crap they've been receiving about murdering the malay language with Sure Heboh finally got to them. I remember receiving a call from a caller who wanted to chew my ear of because one of the guest who appeared on the show didn't speak malay very well. I was pissed but I just keep saying okay every few minutes, eventually I put the phone on the table and let him ramble on while I ran to get a fax. Came back and he was still talking. Sometimes people just to complain. The guy eventually knew I was giving him the answering machine treatment and gave up and said he was going to call my CEO instead, thank goodness... someone else he can bother.

Had dinner at the cafeteria at the karnival and walked to the bus and reached the parking lot at 8:45PM only to find the bus driving of. I was quite pissed and I was told the bus will not leave till 9PM sharp. Some idiot must have pressured the driver to drive of again. Walked back to the secretariat and ran into the the corporate communication people leading the personalities to the bus. I asked if I could hitch a ride even though they were going to Allson Klana. They said okay, turns out I was the only one going to The Empress hotel.

Woke up real early in the morning, I guest I'm used to waking up early now. Checked out, had breakfast buffer and drove to work at 8AM. The drive was 45 mins to the office, not bad. Ran into the morning rush hour at the Damansara toll. Good thing I only needed to go along it for a kilometer before turning of. I actually got to work early before everyone else, now that's a rarity.

Spend the day tidying some loose ends up. Was going to have dinner with Chui Yan but my cough really started getting bad. When to the pharmacy to look for different medication. The ones the doctor at my office clinic has been giving me doesn't seem to work. Bought this Rhinathiol from Caring Pharmacy in One Utama. One of my colleague recommended it. Right now, I'll give anything a try. Anyway, the pharmacist recognized me and asked weren't I there the other day buying medication for cough too. I said yes but it didn't worked. She recommend I took Copastin took. Its round green tablets.

Anyway, I slept through the evening and woke up and decided I'll blog a little and get my mind of the cough. Going to try and sleep again and see how the medication works. The pharmacist says it'll make me drowsy and I'm not sure I want to take it tomorrow as I need to be wide awake as I have a show to run.

No Internet
This sucks. I for one am not a supertitious kind of guy, but lately, things haven't been going my way. A few days ago, I was using my internet right after I got my video card fixed and the internet died in the middle of the night. I picked up the phone and there was a lot of static coming thru the receiver. So now I had a PC that works and no internet... what the hell. I started up an old game of Rome Total War and man I must have been at it for hours because after that I had a major stiff neck.

The next day, I ate this fried noodles the caterer was serving at the office and man, that was a bad decision. I had a major case of diarrhoea. I spend a sleepless night sitting in my toilet. The next day I woke up with a sore troat and a cough. Its been about a week now since I had this sore troat and cough.

At least I finally got the internet working. Telekom came to change a cable in the phone line outside the house.

I got my stiff necked fixed yesterday. I when to visit Oriental Medicine in Paramount. It's half a shop and the guy there, Eric is a Chinese Chiropractor. He fixed my neck with a few cracks and put this evil smelling patch on my back. Told me I couldn't shower for the day and gave me a long list of things I couldn't eat. So I asked the dude what I could eat, turns out he suggested pork. Heh, but no Bah Kut Teh. Ended up eating plain porridge for dinner. This reminds me, my back still smells like that patch... gross.

Another thing that broke down the past few days was my car radio. I was driving to work listening to it and it suddenly the front panel popped out half way. I didn't even touch it and it just popped out. I tried pressing it back in and it didn't work. Tried pressing the eject button and it wouldn't come out fully either. So in the end after a small amount of pressure I finally got it out. Turns out the two small plastic catch that holds it together decided to break on its own after I bought it. Piece of crap. Good thing I still have a one year warranty. I jammed a piece of paper into it to keep the front panel stuck to radio so I can still use it for the mean time.

My girlfriend things this is all because I didn't wanted to pray for luck at a temple she when too. I personally don't believe in all that. I'm all for science and logic. By the way, I believe in evolution and none of that Intelligent Design crap. Darwin got it right. I tried explaining how man decended from Homo Erectus by my Muslim friends wouldn't have any of that. I'm in the middle of reading Dan Brown's Angels & Demons. Its basically about the battle between this occult made up of scientist fighting against organized religion, mainly the Catholic Church. Personally, I'm rooting for the bad guys (go science!).

back online
I'm back online again. Had to get a new video card from Aone Plus. The damn video card I had died a month after the warranty ended. I was wondering what to get and since my old one was pretty much on the high end side, I had to get something comparable or better. I settled for the same NVIDIA NX 6600GT type but this time I gave up hope with MSI. All the MSI video cards I had died after a year. This time I got a Gigabyte video card, I got a GV-NX66T256DE. Cost me a bomb, RM750 for it. They had to order it from the supplier. I wonder if anyone else in Malaysia is using this card? The speed of the card rates a little slower than my old video card on the benchmarks but thats okay. Not a massive difference. I like its silent technology. It doesn't use a fan but a passive cooling system. I just have to make sure I turn on the air-conditioning in my room when I'm using the PC.

Anyway, been without a PC sucks. A day after the PC died, I sat down in front of the TV to watch a DVD and the damn DVD player died. All I had then was my TV and my radio alarm clock for entertainment. I took the cheapo DVD player back to Giant and good thing it died a month before its warranty expired. The customer service staff said it was going to be at least a month before they fixed it. What ever... at least they get it fixed for free.

I had to do with reading books. I stumbled across at Times warehouse sale in Atria. Book me two books, Angels & Demons and Dilbert, Way of the Weasel. The Dilbert book I lug to the office to read when no one's watching and the Angels & Demon I read in front of the TV. I know it's wierd, but my chair faces the TV and when ever I put down the book, I stare at my blank TV and I think... crap, maybe I should get a new DVD player. I could just watch normal TV but its just not the same!

Anyway, I've been busy uploading pictures into my flickr site. Check out the picture bar above this site and you'll see a random selection of my pictures. Just click on it and it'll take you the main site.

PC Down
For the past few months, I have been having problems with my PC. I bought a pretty high end MSI video card (NX6600GT-TD128E) a year ago. A few weeks back it started giving me problems. At first the visuals wouldn't display on the monitor and after a few days of fiddling around, I got it to work again.

After that, everytime I start up any games using the 3D engine, the visuals would have dots on itafter 5 minutes of playing. Restarting the PC doesn't help, I have to totally turn the thing of before starting it again. I think the GPU or the memory on the video card is shot. Serves me right for buying MSI, all the MSI video cards I got from them died after a year of use.

I checked the receipt and turns out I just had a few days left in to qualify for the 1 year warranty so I rushed my PC down to shop at Aoneplus in sect 17 and told them to have a look at it. Realized I haven't actually been to the shop in a year. There was a stack of PC's lying on the floor waiting to be repaired too. Looks like its going to be at least a month before I get my PC back.

Lena's birthday

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Video sent by luxen

Had steamboat party at Chui Yan's place. Was her sister's birthday also. Lena got to cut the cake with Mandy's help. How come kids love cutting cake so much? Probably likes the attention.

Yee Sang at home

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Video sent by luxen

Chui Yan's family finally came over to visit my family. So happen there was Yee Sang in the house, was a pre-packed one from Overseas restaurant.

Oh those Japanese...
Those Japanese come up with the wierdest stuff. Found this while reading the BBC.

Japan tries to save giant radish
By Jonathan Head BBC News, Tokyo
A giant radish is making the Japanese evening news headlines after it was rushed into intensive care in an agricultural research centre.
The daikon radish, a staple ingredient in Japan, became an unlikely object of public admiration when it started growing through a pavement last year.
The resilient radish was then attacked last year by a mysterious assailant. The local town council has since been trying to re-grow the radish from its severed top.
It now hopes to extract its seeds or DNA.
The wilting leaves and shrivelled top of the radish were carefully packed in a cool box and accompanied by a throng of reporters and cameramen, driven to an agricultural research centre.
There, evening news programmes showed white-coated scientists pronouncing gravely on the radish's prognosis.
Roots of the drama
This unlikely drama started last summer in the town of Aoi, when residents noticed the radish pushing its way through the asphalt of a pavement.
Impressed by its perseverance, they named it Dokonjo Daikon, or the radish with fighting spirit.
Imagine their dismay then when one morning, they found the radish had been decapitated.
The news of its demise prompted an outpouring of sympathy across Japan, and the unknown assailant returned its severed head, from which the town council has been trying in vain to revive it.
Dokonjo daikon now even has its own dedicated website.
The Japanese public has frequently been touched by the plight of stricken animals. But commentators are at a loss to explain this wave of affection for a mere vegetable.
Inspired by the radish's fight for life, the town council now wants to extract seeds or even DNA from its remains in the hope of producing offspring of similar fortitude.

You give me fever
having a fever sucks. Last night out of the blue when I tried going to bed, I just couldn't sleep. Everytime I closed my eye, I kept getting wierd hallucinations. Its been a while since I got sick, so I didn't exactly knew what was going on. I was tossing and turning in bed with some damn hallucinations about Rome and some wierd thing that would not go together. The Rome hallunication I could understand, I've been playing this Rome: Total War computer game and just before I when to bed, I was watching this awful DVD box-set, Empire... about power struggles in Rome.

Somewhere in there I could hear Michael Buble singing "... you give me fever". Now that wasn't too good. It was already 4 AM in the morning and I was dead tired with the chills. I turned of the fan and air-conditioning but I was still cold. I when to the kitchen to look for Aspirin but I all I found was a bottle of honey. Heck, I'll try anything at that point. Squished a generous amount into a cup and mixed it water and drank it down. Tasted too sweet and made my stomach even more squishy.

Must have been the steamboat I had for dinner. Either I didn't boil the food long enough or I just over stuffed my belly.

After awhile, the fever wore of a little and by lunch time I managed to drag myself to see the clinic in my office (hey, free medication). Doctor agreed its probably food poisoning and gave me some aspirin. Was going to do some work but I just felt so weak, I didn't feel like talking to any of my colleagues. Just drove really slowly back home and popped 2 aspirins and slept for the next 5 hours.

It's almost 3 AM now and I can't sleep because I slept too much. Watched a DVD earlier, "Wedding Crashers". Was quite a feel good romantic comedy. I thought it would get my mine of the hallunications. Thing something funny and romantic instead you know? Got me thinking instead of the time I got sick in Cherating with my girlfriend. We drove to Cherating to spend a few days and while there I had food poisoning and a fever too. Was our first holiday away together and I don't know about her, but I felt it was really nice of her to take care of me while I was sick. When you're sick, you're all vulnerable and its nice to have someone take care of you.

I think I'm going to swear of steamboat and anything to do with Rome for a few weeks. Damn, those hallucinations were just so wierd. It was like one of those wierd music videos where the images just don't make sense. It was total avant garde.

Social Re-Engineering

Trying to remain anonymous on this hardly-read-by-anyone blog is hard. As you pour your thoughts into a blog, one could soon piece together bits and pieces of a person's life to form a relatively clear picture of who one is.

One of the original reasons I wanted to remain anonymous was because of the job I do. So I'm going to let the cat out of the bag, for the pass few months I've been producing a woman's talk show. The first 2 months doing it was wierd and akward as everyone was trying to comfort me and saying things like "hey, a guy used to produce the show before also". When my boss first proposed the idea to me, I was surprised and I thought it would be cool as I got to do something I always believed in, social re-engineering.

My definition of social re-engineering is to change society for the better by changing processes and habits. Me, I get my jollies from doing social re-engineering subtly without people realising it. An example would be when you're stuck in a traffic jam and cars start forming 3 lanes into of follow the two lanes drawn on the road. What I usually do is manouver my car to the middle of two of the three lanes to make the other cars behind me form back 2 lanes. It makes traffic flow smoother and faster eventually.

Anyway, back to producing a woman's show. It gives me the opportunity to make subtly changes in society. So far its been challenging managing the guests, hosts, production crew and making sure everything is go on the live show. If you ever watched Star Trek: The Next Generation, it feels like Captain Picard sitting in the commander's chair. When the show starts you run through all sorts of hurdles in the control room. The engineer screams that one equipment doesn't work. Broadcast journalists who I send on away missions meets all sorts of people (aliens). Occasionally, I go on away missions to meet people myself... No, I don't get laid with strange women like the Captain. Though I must admit, I meet some pretty interesting characters.

Okay, beam me up Scotty.

The Proposal

If I haven't told you, here it is... I'm engaged. A friend called me to ask if I knew anything about buying rings for his visiting friends who wanted to buy wedding bands. I said "sure, I bought an engagement ring just the other day" and I realized I didn't get around to tell everyone about it yet.

It happened over Christmas day. It was something that I have been planning for a few months. I sort of new it was going to be either her birthday (which is just after Valentine's Day) or on Christmas. There's another reason why I chose Christmas. If you know me, you would know I hate Christmas because of a personal experience. Anyway, that's another story. I thought I'll change all that and make Christmas a special day to remember instead.

I spend a few weeks looking for the right ring. Finally found it at Poh Kong, in SS2. I had it wrapped as a Christmas present and I told her to hold on to it before we opened it. The reason for that was because I'm forgetful and I didn't want to kick myself just in case I forgot to bring the ring, plus I thought it would be fun for her to guess what was in it. I usually give her jewelry but I bet she didn't expect a ring.

It was extra special because we were planning to go to my girlfriend's hometown in Kota Bahru to visit her grandfather. Was a little worried as it was the flooding season but it turned out okay. Was raining a lot but my biggest worry was picking the right place in her house to propose. My plan was to actually record it on my video camera. I was sleeping in the guest room and I had the camera and the microphone set up to point to the bed the night before Christmas.

On Christmas morning I dragged her to my room and she wasn't too happy we were going to exchange presents in the guest room. When she entered the room and saw the camera she insisted on turning the camera of. I tried telling her it was important to leave it on but I couldn't let the cat out of the bag!

Anyway, I have a few humorous minutes of me trying to convince her to sit in front of the camera and she forbids me from showing it to anyone. So we exchanged presents and she gave me a handphone and she opened hers and as she expected it was a jewelry box. I helped her opened the box and took the ring out and then put it on her finger, took a deep breath and asked her the big question.

I was expecting one of three answers, "yes", "no", or "I'll think about it". Was a little suprised when she answered "when?". Didn't really accured to me to plan when either. Anyway, I don't mind waiting till everything's ready.

The ring was a little loose so we're going to get it fixed at the jeweller. Anyway, so I'm engaged now!

Samsung SGH-D500C

Okay, I finally got me a new phone, a Samsung SGH-D500C. It's not a new model but I guess I was desperate after my previous experience with the other handphone I wanted to get. In the warranty card that I had to send back, they asked the reasons for buying this phone.

Thinking it back, I guess it was because my girlfriend's grandfather had the same phone and it looked kinda cute. Plus, on the day I really got pissed of with the previous Nokia, I saw a billboard for the D600C which is the latest model. So, billboards do work!

Anyway, I have two working handphones with me now. Normally I don't buy a handphone till the old one dies, but considering this was a gift and my old Nokia still works fine, I think I'm gonna get a pre-paid Celcom line for it. My office has no Maxis line so that sucks. I can't cancel it as I signed up a 2 year contract. Probably end up carrying 2 handphones.

New phone has camera and MMS so that's going to be for work phone. The old phone's going to be for work I think... plus I can always 'loose' the pre-paid number hehe.