Can't really describe my interest, just about what I think about my daily work life and personal relationships.
When we dream, we recycle our experiences of the day. It all gets jumbled up and our mind tries to make sense of it by putting it all together in a format we understand.
My blogs are sort of the same, its of the values and things that I believe in. It might not fit together so the end result is a little wierd... that's just because your mind doesn't understand it.
Been trying to blog but the internet at home is really slow. I think it has something to do with my router. My sister in law shares the bandwidth with me so sometimes she listens to those internet radio stations and that sucks up a lot of bandwidth. I couldn’t even log into my blog. Plus, my C: drive is dying of brain cancer. It’s got a bad sector that is slowly growing and every time I try to do anything important (playing Age Of Empires II is important okay!) it gives me a blue screen of death.
Anyway, today’s been a slow day at the office. I had lunch with a colleague who just came back from her Haj. She was there with her husband shooting a documentary. She’s trying to be a better person and I can see she’s definitely nicer now and of a better disposition than before. That’s good. She told me of the problems she had while shooting and I told her that maybe her God put that ‘person’ there with her as a test for her patience.
I personally don’t believe in God putting us through any challenges but the idea certainly tickles me funny that there is someone out there who is a total pain in your butt and his/her sole purpose is to make you a better person. “God put me on this earth to test you, hah!”
I opened my e-mail and there were a few requests for press coverage. One was about a spa and another was for vaginal reconstruction surgery and I could only cover one with the limited resources I have. Now this is the part of my job which I enjoy, playing the gatekeeper. I, as a ‘responsible’ media practitioner have to make sure that the society that I serve is well informed of its surrounding had to make an important decision which to give coverage. Plus, I’m also an asshole and a closet anarchists who love challenging society’s sensibilities. So guess which one is going to get press coverage?... Let’s just say about 1.5 million people out there in a few days time would hear the word ‘vagina’… or something similar on TV soon. “oh, no! did she just said the ‘V’ word on national TV?! The horror!”
Recently I when for my scholarship interview at the British High Commission. Their embassy had no parking within 400 metres. I had to park in Ampang Park and run across two major roads to get there. You would think an embassy so big and getting first dibs at any available land before handing it over to the natives would have reserved more land for itself… but no, they just bought up a small plot (by today’s standard of course) at Jalan Ampang.
The two ladies who interviewed me were extremely nice. Can’t remember their names now, I totally suck at remembering people’s name. It just enters short term memory and doesn’t store in long term unless I use it often. While I was waiting for the interview in their waiting room, I saw a newspaper clipping about Chevening that they hung on the wall. One of the person they interviewed mentioned how the candidates should let go their fears when they attend the interview. After reading that, I thought to myself, “fuck it, I’ll just be myself. If they’re going to give me a scholarship, it’s going to be because they appreciate who I am and not what I pretend to be”.
They were quite curious about what I do at work and asked me how do I decide who to put on the show. I didn’t have any prepared answers, so I told them that I was basically a liberal and I usually have guests that talked about social & legal issues that women didn’t talk about in the open. It’s a fine balancing act between giving airtime to the liberals and the conservatives.
They asked me if I do self-censorship. I said there were already existing censorship laws but it’s certainly more lax now compared to pre-Badawi’s administration. In any case there is a gray line that one cannot cross. It’s kinda like the waves lapping on a beach. The water line is not fixed. Sometimes, I like to run up to the water as the waves recede and run back just before the water touches me. Occasionally, I do get wet.
I told the two ladies interviewing me, most of my critics don’t know that I am a male and not a Muslim. Doing this program has certainly gotten me into situations other guys wouldn’t normally be in. Just a few minutes ago, I was talking to Triumph International and asking if they were interested to donate underwear to the flood victims. The lingerie business is huge in Malaysia. Triumph runs the most glamorous fashion shows. Anyway, I’m digressing. Triumph would be for another blog
Occasionally I go through the Utusan newspaper website for research. Most of the time, I get distracted and read the other sections. I especially like to read the part where their readers write in with their problems. Totally hillarious. The newspaper gets away with a lot of things TV can't do. Below is one particular article.
APAKAH hukum seorang suami mengeluarkan mani kerana tidak tahan dengan nafsu syahwat bagi mengelakkan perzinaan? Ini kerana isterinya datang haid terlalu lama iaitu sehingga dua minggu, malah sudah tidak berminat lagi dengan hubungan kelamin, sedangkan suaminya masih sihat.
CHE KOB Putrajaya.
ANTARA hikmat perkahwinan ialah untuk memenuhi tuntutan nafsu semulajadi manusia secara sah. Malah, perhubungan antara suami isteri melahirkan ketenangan jiwa raga dan menghindari perkara haram seperti zina dan sebagainya.Allah berfirman dengan maksud: “Dan di antara tanda-tanda yang membuktikan kekuasaan-Nya dan rahmat-Nya, bahawa Dia menciptakan untuk kamu (wahai kaum lelaki), isteri-isteri dari jenis kamu sendiri, supaya kamu bersenang hati dan hidup mesra dengannya, dan dijadikan-Nya di antara kamu (suami isteri) perasaan kasih sayang dan belas kasihan …” (Ar-Rum (30): 21). Apabila isteri dalam keadaan uzur, suami sepatutnya mengawal keinginan nafsunya. Bagaimanapun dalam keadaan haid suami masih dibenarkan tidur dan bermesra dengan isteri tetapi tidak sampai ke tahap persetubuhan.Dengan itu kehendak seksual suami dapat dipenuhi. Isteri boleh meredakan nafsu suami dengan mengeluarkan mani suami. Tindakan suami mengeluarkan mani secara sendiri tidak baik kerana dilarang agama. Allah berfirman dengan maksud: “… Dan mereka menjaga kehormatannya kecuali kepada isteri atau hamba sahaya, maka sesungguhnya mereka tidak tercela. Kemudian, sesiapa yang mengingini selain dari yang demikian, maka merekalah orang yang melampaui batas.” (Al-Mu’minun (23): 5-6).Selain itu, alternatif bagi suami yang mempunyai isteri uzur dan tiada nafsu lagi, ialah memilih untuk berpoligami jika mampu.
I know what my reaction was when I was reading this. What was your first reaction when you read this?
blogging in the office again. Had a long day today. Had a show to produce today. After that, I was going to go to the British Council to hand in some letters but I found out I passed the dateline after calling them. They told me to just bring it to the interview tomorrow instead... phew!
Since I had time on my hand and I was already out of the office, I met up with Chermaine and Naz at Bangsar. Chermaine came in a sexy gym outfit and I could see she was turning heads as she walked towards our table. Naz finally got me my batman t-shirt from Australia. The Batman logo was a little smaller than I expected. Oh well, it would do!
We talked about about new projects to work on and relationships. We talked about how after work, all we want to do is just go home and do nothing because we're out and about during work. We're the total opposite of people with desk jobs who would want to party after work. Normally after work, the only thing I want to do is see Chui Yan and have dinner with her. Occasionally, we go out shopping. Anything more, and I'm too pooped.
Surprisingly, most of the ladies I know from work who are hot are still single. Most of them are still single because they're so busy, they don't have time to go on dates or men are too intimidated to ask them. I find it quite intimidating to talk to pretty ladies too even though I do it at work. It takes me awhile to get used to looking at them. They're just so good looking, I don't want to look like I'm staring at them so I avoid eye contact at first. Hrmm... can't say the same for the guys that I work with though.
Most of the babes I work with, I keep it all at a strictly professional basis... especially the single ones. I know its so easy to get distracted... and tempting too! It gets easier when I know the person more and I get pass the looks as you know the person's plus and minus traits. Then they turn into a real 'person' instead of just a hot looking sex object.
I think one of the most embarassing situation I was in was when for a wardrobe fitting in Starhillwith one of my host. We were in a really expensive botique and the manager recognized my host and ask her to try on a really expensive dress as she wanted to see what it looked like on someone with her figure. She came out of the changing room in just a scarf over her bra as a top and asked me if she looked okay. I said, "err, you look good but not for TV". She used to be a model so I guess she's used to doing that. It was my first time.
When I was student, I had to interview a classmate of mine who was in a play. She invited me into the changing room to do the interview. I was setting up the camera and there she was stripping to her underwear in front of me and the rest of the actress was doing the same. I was standing there thinking, hrmm now should I be here? Turns out, the previous play they staged. It had full nudity in it. I would have liked to see that!
bloody hell, had to wake up damn early today. My maid did something to my fan, I don't know how she got water in it while cleaning the fan. Now it makes a sound when I turned it on. I had to sleep last night without the fan and I'm not used to just using the airconditioning. I woke up at 4AM. Oh well, I already had the clock set for 5AM anyway. I had wake up early to go to Victoria Institution to interview a Guru Cemerlang.
I brought my new camera along today to take it for a field test. I was watching the kids lined up in the morning. Man, VI is like a military institution. The prefects were barking orders and they even marched up the stairs together. I don't remember any of that stuff in my school. I ate at their tiny school kanteen. I realized as I was ordering my food, I haven't eaten in a school canteen in years! It was wierd and nostalgic, even though it wasn't my school canteen. The kids at VI are really polite to their teachers. I never had that at my school. Kids at VI are from a different planet I tell you... they're all so polite, eager to learn and all. What the hell have they been feeding them at the school? The teachers at the school are really good too. Damn, I when to the wrong school!
Anyway, I'm kind of pissed. After the assignment, I when to have a drink with Azizah at my office cafeteria and I realized the windshield for my mic was missing. I think I dropped it between the makeup room and the cafeteria and some idiot picked it up. What really gets to me is that, the windshield is totally useless to anyone else and there's no reason for them to keep it. Now I've got a naked mic. Anway, I gotta get a proper mic soon. This one is just way too long to fit onto my camera.
I wrote to an old school friend in friendster. I haven't heard from Gerard in years and I found him in Friendster. Looks like both of us put on quite a lot of weight since school. The guy's now a pharmacist in UK. I don't know why, but I know at least 4 pharmacist friends, and two of them are close friends. Gerard was always the smart kid. In his e-mail, he talked about how he remembered sitting across from me in primary school and I thought, "whoa... you remember that? I don't even remember going to primary school with you!"
I realize my school going years is a total blank. No wonder I don't have many friends. I haven't stayed in touch with any of my schoolmates. I was always the new kid in school and fitting in was hard. I when to 2 kindergardens; 2 primary schools; and 2 secondary schools. I guess I never really fitted in well and I was glad I left school. School life... total blank.
Then again, I hardly stay in touch with friends from college or uni either. I'm just zooming by life with such intense speed, I'm not latching on to anything. Friends, aquaintances, people I know are just zooming in and out of my life.
I need more male friends, almost all my friends are female. Females are easier to be friends with. They're so much more in tune with sensitivities.
Chui Yan says I should have new year resolutions. I never liked them because I never stuck to any. Okay, this time I'll try making up a short lists:
1. Look up old friends 2. make money with my camera! Yeah! 3. learn a new editing system 4. exercise more 5. The most important one, to be a good Buddhist.
I guess being a good Buddhist says it all. It encompasses everything.
First time I'm blogging from the office. It's after office hours, so I don't feel so guilty doing this. It has been an interesting morning. Yesterday I asked my General Manager to write a referral letter for me for my scholarship application. This morning when I came to work and opened my e-mail, I read the letter he wrote for me. My first reaction I think was having my face turn red. He really wrote a glowing letter about me.
I wrote a reply to his e-mail
wow, is that me? Anyway, thanks.
Ooi A few minutes later, he replied my e-mail with this
30% of what I said is the language used to recommend someone for something, the rest is youlahhh. I had a good laugh, basically what he's saying is "1/3 bullshit, the rest is real". I won't reveal the contents of the referral letter here until the scholarship committee has read it.
I also asked my CEO if he could write one for me. He didn't have the time, so ended up asking my GM to help my CEO to write on my behalf again.
Today was a big day. I finally got the guts to ask for something I've been thinking about for a long time. I finally set in motion something I've been thinking about for a long time. Its quite a major career change which I can't say anything yet until it's confirmed. I hope I get approval!
I can't get no... satis.faction... I can't get no... satis.faction.
Damn, I love that song. Something about the Rolling Stone classics that gets your head bouncing. Today's been a long day and it was quite a meaningful day.
For the past few days, I've been busy shooting Wardina's sister (Mas) wedding. Today was the wedding at noon at KLGCC. I stayed up pretty late the whole night just editing and rendering. I fell asleep while waiting for it to render. I was keeping my fingers cross this machine wouldn't suddenly pick this moment to have a blue screen of death.
I finally burned the DVD's an hour before I was supposed to be at the banquet hall. Turns out I was early after all. The only one who was there was the MC's, Inaz and Gib. It was only an hour and a half later that the wedding started. I shot interviews with friends and family members of the bride and bridegroom. It was pretty humorous listening to what they said. Their habits, what they are like, etc. Listening to them talk made me realize I don't have any childhood friends. I've been moved around so much with my family, I never actually stayed in touch with any of my childhood friends. Heck, I don't have any friends from secondary school even.
Come to think of it, besides the people I know at work, I don't have any real friends left outside of work. I need to know more people besides from work. I've been scouring friendster to see if there were anyone else I knew from primary or secondary school. Not much luck there. I guess maybe the reason why I didn't stay in touch was because I never really had a good time in school. I just kept going into the future until I reached this point when I realize that life is all about gathering experiences until death.
Anyway, everyone liked the videos at the wedding. I'm glad they did. I was worried they wouldn't like it since I had to make quite a few changes the day before the wedding. Okay, next time, I'm giving only two previews and that's it, after that no more changes!
Right after the wedding, I drove home and the first thing I did was take all my clothes of and play an hours worth of Age of Empires II. Man, that was really satisfying until I got a blue screen of death on my PC. Damn PC shut down just as my army was all ready.
After that, I had to go pick Chui Yan up to go to my grandmother's 80th birthday dinner celebration at Amcorp Mall. We thought we were late by 15 mins but turns out, everyone else was late. We sat next to my grandmother's sister and she was grumbling she was waiting really long. It was the first time I've seen all my relatives from my father's side together. My cousins all looked really different. My two cousins who are not studying in Australia are in their early 20's now but to me, they still look like little girls, which is amusing.
Chui Yan was asking me about my cousins and I honestly didn't much. I guess I find it hard to talk to relatives. Sometimes they feel like strangers, just because you have the same genes you're supposed to talk to each other. I know, this sounds absolutely mean but I sometimes find making conversation with relatives hard because I don't know what to talk about other than the food, weather and what they are doing now. Don't get me wrong, I don't hate them, I just don't know what to say.
I brought along my new video camera. I was using it the past two weeks shooting the wedding interviews. I brought it along to get some practice shooting it at a chinese banquet. Settings and shots are little different. I don't know why, but when I shoot personal events, my shots are a whole lot shittier when I do it for work. I end up panning and zooming in and zooming out of shots... something I definitely don't do for work. I haven't watched what I shot yet, I'm too embarass to download to the PC right now.
I was shooting my grandmother talking to her friends and it made me realize that there's so much more to life than just work. There are relatives, friends and other things that are important too because when you reach 80 and you look back, you want something to be proud of. Sure, you can be remembered for being damn good at your job, but you also want to be remembered for the personal relationships you have with others. Humans are social creatures. We have hopes, dreams, inspirations and aspire to great heights.
I just watched a pretty cool movie, "Life or Something Like It" with Angelina Jolie playing a ditzy female broadcast journalist. I like watching movies about broadcast journalist. Somehow, I just identify more with the movie. In the movie Angelina learns from a street prophet that she will die in one week and she starts examining her life. She ask her fiancee what is it that binds them together, do they have the same hope and inspirations. Makes me look back at myself and ask what are my hopes and inspirations. What is it that I don't tell others that I force myself to bury down so I can fit in with others.
Anyway, Angelina finally lets loose and finds that she is been rewarded for her eccentric behaviour. I think back and damn, I used to be like that too. I used to think to hell with it, this is a shitty job and I'll just say what's on my mind because I have nothing to loose. Somewhere along the line I changed. I stopped being such a bastard and be more sensitive to other people. Sometimes, I miss being that bastard... sigh. I had drive then!
So, to sum it all up, today's been about celebrating life. When to a wedding, when to a birthday dinner and watched a movie about someone changing their life. Touching.