Thursday, March 23, 2006

An Idea
Ideas don't die, they fade away. I watched a movie tonight that brought back memories of an old idea. It also brought back memories of a poem I once wrote and it when like this:

I know not what I seek but I know I haven't found it yet.
I know not whether it be spiritual relevation, true love, bonding friendship, pleasure or world peace.
However I do know I am the seeker.

I am not lost, but I have yet to find.
I know I must find answers but I know not the questions to ask.
I wonder the land in search for the right questions to ask.
One day the right one will come to me then I would be able to find the answer.

I know I am not alone, for others to seek the questions and answers I seek.
They too are out there seeking.
Many perils await us, for many offer a universe of questions and answers but most likely, they are but just distractions. Many seekers fall prey to the distractions, our journeys are full of victims, lost in their cause.

Tired but still wondering silently, trapped by commitments in their life, bound by life itself from seeking life. I journey on. I know not what awaits me, but I know I cannot turn back.

I wrote the poem for a special reason. It was a coded message that I put on a personal website a long time ago. It was designed to speak to only certain people. As people interpreted art differently, I was looking for certain people that interpreted the poem in a certain way. The poem was my filtering system, a coded message to look for only certain people on a personal website. The movie I watched tonight reminded me of the person I was looking for in that message. That person was me.

So why would I look for myself in a personal website? Once, a long time ago as the poem when I did not know what I was looking for. The closest soul I could identify with was but myself. The reasoning was, if I did not know what I wanted, I might be comfortable with the only one I knew... myself.

The movie I watched tonight was "V For Vendetta". It was a movie about ideas, dangerous ideas of revolution and change. Siting there in the cinema in the dark, I realized something... I used to idolize the image of the hero V in the movie played by Hugo Weaving. I idealized and imagined I was to be someone like him... someone who had an edge of civility in him but a loner. A loner with a mission to make the world a better place.

But as all ideas, life takes it course and things change. I too was sidetracked and life found me. I found love, friends and a job. Looking back, I realized I am not that same person in the poem anymore... not totally different, but evolved. I still find myself trying to make the world a better place through my job. I sometimes wonder why I do it, is it by nature, something in my very being or was it past experiences that has molded my actions to do things that I now do? What makes me want to help people and help make things better for them? Watching the movie made understand now, the understand lays in my need to justify my existence.

Once I was lonely and lived within myself. I needed a noble cause to justify my existence and indirectly, I choose to help people. Now this believe that it is my duty to help people is deeply entwined in my believe system, I query whether it is in conflict with the things I do daily... am I who I started out to be or have I evolved into someone else?

I still address people as Mr or Miss at work. To think of it now, I wonder why I do that... maybe to add a touch of civility back into society? Or just to irritate people... to remind them how the casual lives we apply at work is missing something... a touch of civility maybe?

The out come is the same, it adds civility to the work place but the intentions are different now. "V For Vendetta" has reminded me to stay fast to my idea... that the world could be a better place if we took the time to make it so. It is up to us, and I must not loose sight of it. I still have the tools and the opportunities to do it daily at work. All I need now is the perseverance again. It is harder now, I still have a life to live, but now I remember I still have a mission... a mission to make the world a better place.

Ideas don't die, they fade away... but ideas can also fade back to life.

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