Wednesday, December 06, 2006

Blogging again

Hola. It's been awhile since I wrote anything. Not that nothing's been happening, it's just that I felt most of the thing that have been happening in my life lately shouldn't be put in a public forum. When I first started this blog, it was more of a private journal but somehow or another, more and more people started reading it and the more 'diplomatic' this blog became.
I've been tied up with some personal issues, namely trying to find a place to buy to call home. I never imagined it could be so stressful. There are so many people to please and everyone has different needs. Anyway, I shouldn't say more. It's private lar...

As for work, I think I've been slacking of a lot. I've been letting a lot of things run on auto pilot. I know, I should take a more hands on approach but sometimes it's just all the little nitty gritty details that is just oh so tedious. I have a problem I think I should get help for. I don't like to talk to people. I know, it's wierd, especially in my line of work. I just rather not talk to new people. There are some people in my office who sit just a few tables away from me and I never even said hi to them. It's not that I don't like them, it's just that I find the situation awkward trying to make conversation for the first time. As time goes by, it gets even more awkward. The most I do is just smile at them while I walk pass them in a corridor. I suck at remembering people's name so that makes it even worst.

The worst part of my job is actually calling up people who are not expecting me to call. I just get all tense up when I have to call people to arrange for interviews. What's more, people who don't want to be interviewed. I just suck at making small talk and cajoling people into doing things. People would be telling me about how they got a kidney transplant and I'll be thinking, "oh, that's nice... good for you".

There are people I do talk to, it's people I already know. It just takes me a long time to be comfortable with people. Maybe because I compartmentalize my life. I mentally seperate the people I know. I have people I work with at the office; my personal friends not from work; my family; and Chui Yan and her family. I don't mix them together (if you've watched Sienfeld, you'll know what I mean). I used to try and not get too personal with my friend's from work. I only want to interact with them at work, and not talk about my personal life with them. However, everything is slowly changing.

For example, I was sitting in the cafeteria the other day with some of the female hosts and we were talking about contraceptive pills and they started telling me about their menstrual cycle and there I was giving them advice on whether to go on the pill or not. After I finished my first sentence I was thinking, "shit, what the f*ck did I just say?". My job involves me in getting to know the female mind and most of my colleagues are females. So I do find myself in a lot of female conversations like these. We talk a lot about female sexuality and what women want (and it's a way lot more about sex). Sometimes I surprise my male bosses too at the suggestions I make. Either I've gotten good at my job or I'm turning into one big emotional sob. (insert hug here)

Lately, a lot of my colleagues have been coming to me to tell me their personal problems, I just listen, smile and nod my head. I don't say much because it's awkward for me. It's not that I don't care, I do but I don't know what advice to give them but I know most women just want someone to listen instead of offering suggestions so a lot of my female colleagues do come see and I share their secrets. It's such a burden to carry their secrets around, I hope I don't blurt it out accidentally.

1 comment:

sensei said...

Aaaa.. finally!
This entry reminds me exactly why I like reading your blog.. we have quite a few things in common.. ;)